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On a dark and murky night, a very dark and murky prison van is driving
through the rain to an unspecified destination. The van screeches to a halt. There is a very large, deceased stag blocking the road. Two prison guards decide that they are not going to move it. They pull this huge, evil-looking prisoner from the van to do the deed.
One false move and you’re dead.
Are they ever wrong!!!
The convict seizes hold of the carcase. Wait! He’s reaching inside (I think of less disgusting places to hide a gun). He takes out a handgun and shoots the two prison guards where they stand.
He’s on the run!!
Meanwhile, nervous woman is watching the television news, she sees the clip - he’s coming for her. It’s dark! She’s scared! The door handle rattles - it’s our intrepid heroes, but they’re having a really hard time convincing Vanessa (nervous woman) that they’re the good guys. She kicks Ice in the shins, and then punches Alphonse on the jaw. Charlie has the good sense to stay out of range. OK, we do this the hard way. Alphonse grabs her and swings her up over his shoulder, he walks out of the appartment carrying the struggling, screeching woman.
They arrive at their pad - somehow they’ve managed to quiet her down, tie her down securely and stick tape over her mouth - at least the
screeching’s stopped. Alphonse carries her down the stairs, Charlie wants to know if Alphonse wants some help. "I’ve been carrying women up and down stairs my whole life" (interesting childhood he must have had). Ice comments "If it was an Olympic event, he’d be taking home the Gold." Chris is waiting for them, she gestures at the woman "Is this really necessary?" It is!
Alphonse unties Vanessa - she wants to sue, but Chris points out that the boys are her only hope of survival. She gives in reluctantly.
They settle down to a quiet evening at home. Ice and Charlie shoot a little pool (at least I think that’s what it is!), meanwhile Alphonse never lets an opportunity go by! He starts to play up to Vanessa, she starts to defrost - slightly. Outside in the dark, something is moving, and it isn’t friendly. This little red dot moves across the room, picking out Ice, Charlie, Alphonse and Vanessa in turn. Alphonse spots it just in time as...all hell breaks loose! Glass flying! The guys scatter and they all run for the exit.
Daylight, a new venue - Chris is waiting! Vanessa is less than impressed, she wants to know why Daggett (the convict) gets away without even a fight, Chris points out that they’re paroled ex-cons, Charlie runs down their impressive resumes - art fraud, theft, insurance scams, "The Nobody-Gets-Hurt kind of stuff," Alphonse chips in. "I’m dead," Vanessa collapses back on the sofa. Chris convinces her that is exactly what she would be without our heroes’ help.
Ice and Charlie settle down for a few hours sleep. Alphonse once again
cosies up to Vanessa, she wants to make amends, by cooking them breakfast, after a few intimate moves around a frying pan, Vanessa suggests that Alphonse ask the boys what they want to drink for breakfast. Alphonse moves off to wake them up. Ice doesn’t want to know, so Alphonse goes over to Charlie - "Tell her I like powdered sugar on my french toast," Charlie mutters in his sleep. "She ain’t making french toast." "why are we having this conversation," Charlie urns over and goes back to sleep. Alphonse makes a fist over Charlie’s head, but he’s gone back to sleep. Alphonse goes back to the kitchen, Vanessa’s done a runner and his car keys are missing.
Parking lot - the airport - Vanessa pulls up in that big blue thing that Alphonse drives. She gets out feeling smug, self-satisfaction is wiped off her face when our heroes pull up behind her. Chris is with them. She’s cross, but no where near as angry as the man across the way with the high powered rifle, there’s a leak at the bureau. Ice is tired of getting shot at, Chris writes an address on Alphonse’s hand, and tells them to get lost - literally.
Ice’s plan - take themselves off to an old abandoned prison (how could
anyone be so heartless as to abandon an old prison). This place is a maze, Ice knows every inch, they can lose themselves there and no-one will ever find them! They set up camp, Alphonse lugs in some huge heavy bags, and drops them on the side. Charlie "Hey, be careful with that stuff." "What you bring all this for, it’s only one night." Charlie belongs to the Boy Scout school of thought, they live on an active fault line, therefore any sane man’s going to bring a life pod. Alphonse "A get-a-life pod."
Charlie’s in his element - schematics, electronic surveillance - he’s got the lot. He explains the thing to his 'captive' audience. "I thought Daggett isn’t supposed to know where we are," Vanessa has the wind up good and proper. Charlie "I’m covering all my bases, it’s kind of what I do!" Alphonse "The shrinks call it situational paranoia." "Isn’t this the perfect situation for it." Charlie points out.
They settle down for an evening of not much on the telly (I know how they feel). Suddenly a monitor goes blank. Charlie thinks it’s a frayed wire, no problem just a quick fix. Ice buzzes him out.
Charlie gets to the foyer, yup, just a frayed wire - he fixes it. Suddenly the foyer is bathed in light - headlamps, powerful ones. A huge Ford truck busts through the foyer doors, Charlie watches in horror as Daggett climbs out through the smashed windscreen.
Charlie sprints for the exit, he’s lost his radio transceiver, he races to the first gate - it’s locked, they can’t buzz it open; something’s gone wrong. In the middle of telling them how to shut down and start up again, Vanessa notices a terrifying shadow behind Charlie, it’s Daggett.
Charlie sees Daggett in an overhead mirror, he turns, unarmed and
defenceless to meet Armageddon. Daggett fires, Charlie is thrown back
against the gate, he sags to the floor. Badly wounded, Charlie can do
nothing to save himself, if Daggett fires again - it’s all over! Daggett takes him in his sights...and walks away.
Charlie drags himself back against the gate, he’s struggling. Alphonse
wants to charge out there and save him. Ice takes a different view.
Vanessa thinks Ice has betrayed them. It was the van that betrayed them, but they have a more pressing problem. They have to get to Charlie. Vanessa reluctantly agrees to help. She opens the gates one at a time letting them through. Whilst they’re trying to get to him, Charlie tries to stay with it, but he’s talking gibberish. He slumps back onto the floor, barely conscious.
Alphonse and Ice make it to Charlie, they find a pulse and start to drag him back to safety. As they try to patch him up, Daggett appears behind them, he fires, Alphonse is hit in the leg. Which leaves Ice to make it back to save Vanessa.
Vanessa’s hysterical, panicking. She’s terrified. Daggett is relentless. Ice arrives in the nick of time, he hits Daggett. Daggett’s shotgun slides across the floor to Vanessa, she picks it up and opens fire, Daggett goes down.
Ice can’t believe she did that. Why! She’s the guilty party, she had
Daggett put away for the murder of her husband, and she did it.
Confessional over she takes aim at Ice...the room is bathed in light.
Chris walks in, Vanessa’s under arrest. Our two 'seriously injured' heroes walk in behind her. It’s all a scam. Charlie’s 'death scene' is reviewed by Alphonse, *nul pointes* (old fashioned Eurovision Song Contest term) for ham acting. Charlie shrugs it off.
Close on another rainy night - only it’s Vanessa in the prison van.