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Charlie:You can't call a guy paranoid when the stuff he worries about keeps happening!
--donated by Rhonda
Vanessa: You know, no offense, but why don't you just let me go maybe I'd be better off hiding on my own.
Alphonse: Look, Vanessa, without our protection...
Vanessa: I'd be fine.
Chris: Ah, you'd be de*d!
--donated by Kimberly
(The bad guys are waiting outside the school to kidnap Eric.)
Pete: (breathing heavily)
Lee: You're not hyperventilating on me, are you?
Pete: No, psyching myself up. Power breathing. I saw it on Oprah.
(later)
Lee: Yeah, well, just stick with the plan. That's all the psyching you're gonna need.
Pete: Oh, God. I'm getting light-headed.
Lee: Yeah, right.
Ice:: (talking about a kidnapper cellmate) . . . you can't always choose your company in prison.
Chris:: Any chance this guy you knew might be one of hte kidnappers?
Ice:: Nah, this creep died about two months before I got paroled. -- He had a bad accident.
(Chris raises her eyebrows.)
Ice: (In the car following Pete and Alphonse.) Not too close, not too far behind.
Charlie: It's an art form, tailing somebody.
Chris: Yeah, till he looks in his mirror.
Charlie: That's 'Phonse's job. Distract him so he doesn't look back.
(The car behind them speeds up and passes them.)
Charlie: It's Macek's men.
Chris: Looks like they haven't heard about your art form.
Ice: Phillistines.
(Macek's guys and the players stop after Pete and Alphonse disappear.)
Charlie: (grabbing one of the guys through the car window) Moron! You ruined everything! My friend was in that car.
The guy: Lady, make him stop.
Chris: Not my jurisdiction.
(Charlie punches the guy.)
(Alphonse complained to the bad guys about the blank tv screen that he was watching Eric on.)
Lee: Yeah, the wire shorted out. Looks like some of the insulation got chewed off.
Alphonse: What do you mean chewed?
Lee: Rats. (making noises.) Big, hairy ones that eat accountants.
*If you knew my major you'd know why I find that amusing.
Charlie: (after watching a tape of Alphonse) You know, these tv transmitters, there was something about this in one of the background checks.
Ice: Which one?
Charlie: One of them, all right -- I don't know which one.
Chris: (to the teacher) Hey, you're under arrest.
Charlie: You shouldn't have charged that transmitter on your credit card, teach.
Chris: Well, there's a suspicious pattern here and we need to find the explanation."
Marshall: Agent Kowalski, I'm sure you're a competent field agent but I have 11 years of experience working the highest levels of organized crime.
Ice: Well, my man Alphonse has 20 and he heard what he heard.
Marshall:That would be another one of your paroled convicts?
Ice: Yeah, one of the team.
Marshall:Well, maybe he leaked the information to the Mendozas, or he did (pointing at Ice); no offense.
Ice: Hey, none taken. When these leaks started I was in Lewisburg Penitentiary.
Marshall: All right, look, you still haven't given me a good reason why one of my people would leak information to organized crime.
Ice: Money! You sure you got experience working with criminals?
--donated by Kimberly
Charlie: (while on surveillence of FBI agent Dennis Young) Note to FBI bookeeping. Does terminal boredom qualify for hazardous duty pay? I spent the last 8 hours watching Dennis Young shuffle papers upstairs. No lunch break either. Guy ate a sandwich from home at his desk. Ooh. Didn't know mosquitos bred in parking garages, heh? Knowing my luck they're probably laying eggs in my hair.
Charlie: (on video survelliance of Dennis Young when he starts spying on Chris) Hello. Guess who gets to leave work at five on the dot while her boys work overtime - Agent Kowalski. Oh ho, and Deputy director Fellows. Ah, what's up, Chris? Maybe a little after hour briefing with the boss? (Chris gives an innocent kiss on the lips to Fellows) Maybe not.
Charlie: (after the guys are flashed by another car that holds the suspect they are looking for) How many times you wanna flash back?
Ice: Try four.
Alphonse: Why four?
Ice:Why not four?
(the car screeches off after being flashed)
Ice: Uh oh.
Charlie: Oops.
Alphonse: (to Charlie as they are pursuing a suspect) Charlie your
driving's really improved, ya know?
Charlie: Hey this wasn't built for off roading.
Ice: Who picked this car anyway?
Alphonse: (to Charlie after Charlie gets the car stuck in a dirt pile) So
what would ya say the lesson of today's outing is?
Ice: Four wheel drive.
Charlie: The lesson is gag your passengers.
Ice: (to an ill Alphonse) You look bad man. You should be in a hospital.
Alphonse: And let you guys have all the fun? No way.
Alphonse: (making a confession to Charlie) Charlie, remember that g*rl Beverly? The one that had to stop seeing you
cause she had to take care of her sick mother?
Charlie: Oh yeah yeah yeah.
Alphonse: I was the sick mother.
Charlie: All right, well you get better and I'll beat the crap out of you, all right?
Alphonse: All right.
Ice: You been with any of my g*rls?
Charlie: (to Alphonse who is lying in a hospital bed) Alphonse, listen to
me Alphonse, you can beat this thing. They've done studies where, where
people are dying of cancer and your emotional viewpoint it's very
important in the healing process.
Alphonse: Charlie, did I ever tell you, you talk too much.
Chris: (to the guilty FBI guy John Fellows) What are we gonna hear on
that tape, John?
Charlie: Let me take a guess. You and Marshall sold out the Bureau
together, then you k*lled Dennis Young.
Ice: And when that didn't turn out to fire, you k*lled Marshall.
John: For God's sake Chris, who you gonna believe, me? Or a couple of low-life con men 8 months out of the federal penitentiary?
Chris: Those low-life con men are my friends, you son of a bitch!
Ice: Let me tell you something, man. You better have that antidote to that poison or Alphonse ain't gonna be the only man dying here tonight.
--quotes for Conspiracy donated by A Players gal pal
Chris: Why is it that all self-proclaimed types look like they never made it through basic training?
Ice: All that patriotic apple pie.
Militia man: Sure it's okay to park here? You know how thos people love to cars.
(Alphonse looks at his beat up station wagon.)
Alphonse: I think you can chance it.
Chris: 45 minutes ago, I got a call from a man who identified himself as "Jericho."
O'Connor: That name ring any bells, O'Bannon?
Charlie: Other than in the biblical sense? No.
Chris: Old lady saw him.
Charlie: She say what he looks like?
Chris: She'd rather speak with Alphonse. You remind her of her nephew Steve.
Chris: What is going on with you guys?
Charlie: I don't know, Chris. I mean, it seems like I've spent every minute of my life with these guys. We've been paroled almost a year and, I mean, I eat with them, live with them, work with them. It seems like we're still back in the joint.
Chris: Whoa Charlie. Wait a second. Yes. From the US Meteorological Survey. It's software to predict the wind patterns in the L.A. Basin.
Charlie: How did you know I needed this?
Alphonse: She's been working with you too long.
Charlie: Jericho could have never got this far without my help.
Alphonse: Charlie, I was scamming the guy. Before?
Charlie: The best scams come from the truth, Alphonse.
Chris: Charlie, you don't have to do this.
Charlie: Chrissie, remember how I was saying that the way we were living now was almost like how we were living in the joint. Well, when these guys came after me in the subway I realized I was wrong. The big difference is that, out here you got choices you can make. I'm making a choice.
Charlie: (after convincing everyone he could defuse the b*mb) I must be out of my mind.
Charlie: Charlie O'Bannon, man of action. Scene one, take two. And so, with nerves of steel and bowels of stone our intrepid hero once again wields his mighty tool. D'Artagnan of the circuit board.
Charlie: Mental not to myself: Next time I volunteer to disarm a de*dly device with nerve toxin -- bring some asprin.
Charlie: Wires, wires . . . (sighs). One red, one blue. Cut the right one and your done. Cut the wrong one and your really done -- you and about 10,000 other people.
Okay it's a 50-50 proposition. Got to be scientific about this. Scientific, scientific, scientific, okay. Eenie, meenie, minie, moe, catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers let him go.
Alphonse: If I cut the red one and we die, I don't want to hear it's my fault, okay.
Charlie: Okay.
Charlie: Can you get me a doctor, please?
Ice: Get up. It's a flesh-wound man. Get up.
Sorry about the stars in the place of some vowels in a couple of the words. It is the only way I could get it to work with our censoring program on. Isn't it wierd the words that they like to delete (and others that they leave). -- #1PF